How to Cope When Your Child is Diagnosed with Cancer

Suggestions for ways to cope and stay strong

By Les Friedman, Mikey’s dad

When Your Child is Diagnosed With Cancer
When your child is diagnosed with cancer, it has a stressful and inescapable impact on the entire family system. Every family member, including parents and healthy siblings, feel the profound effect of this diagnosis.

Parenting a child with a life-threatening illness such as cancer poses significant challenges as you struggle to maintain your child’s rigorous treatment schedule while concurrently balancing everyday activities and responsibilities. Raising healthy siblings simultaneously can add another layer of complexity.

As you face this incredibly stressful and emotional time, your priority should be to find the best medical options for your child and to obtain the right support for your family. Your trajectory of parenting will shift to illness management and your child’s response to the treatment regime. Your patience, strength and perseverance will be called upon again and again in response to illness exacerbation, relapse, remission and recovery.

Tips to Help Parents Cope
As parents we are accustomed to managing our families on our own, but when a child has cancer, it’s important to reach out for help. By enlisting and accepting help, you will have more time and energy for your ill child.

Here are some common ways to reach out for help:

• Find an easy way to update family and friends
  You may want to use social media sites like Caring Bridge or My Cancer Circle which have all the tools you need to keep your family and friends updated.

• Compile a list of suggestions for how others can help
  Keep an ongoing list of things that people can do to help your family. For example, they can prepare and deliver a meal, shop for groceries, drive siblings to their activities, or walk your dog.

• Join a support group
  Many parents benefit from information shared by other parents. Support groups can be in-person or found online. Search for local support groups, parent blogs, parent resources such as CancerCare and The Truth 365 or online resources at the hospital where your child is being treated.

• Seek professional help
  If you are experiencing difficulty sleeping or are often depressed or anxious, it may be helpful to speak with a mental health specialist such as a psychiatrist, psychologist, counselor, or social worker. Your primary care physician or someone on your child’s health care team may have a recommendation for you. Some parents find it helpful to speak with a spiritual leader in their community.
• Make Time for Yourself
  During these challenging and heartbreaking times, it can be tempting to put your own needs aside and focus completely on your child. But it is important to take care of yourself so that you have the energy to care for your child. It may be hard, but find time to practice self-care and try to get as much sleep, downtime and exercise as you can. Here are some tips:

Find ways to relax and reduce stress
Whether it’s yoga, deep breathing or a short walk outdoors, a new activity or an old standby, find something or somewhere which provides a peaceful reprieve.

Remain physically active
Physical activity helps you sleep better and remain calmer. If you have to be at a hospital or clinic for long periods of time, try walking up and down stairs or corridors or going outside to clear your head.

Keep busy in your child’s room
Bring things that you can do to keep yourself busy in your child’s room. Read a book or magazine, bring your computer, listen to music or bring a game.

The National Cancer Institute has an excellent guide for parents, “Children and Cancer: A Guide for Parents” which provides a wealth of information.